Dave's Progress. Chapter 50: Domestic Disturbance.

The other day at the Media Action Group for Mental Health, we were discussing what the most harmful element of stigma was. Some felt this was in the area of employment. But, for me, if we are talking about "harm" in terms of how traumatic stigma can be, I think it is when it comes from friends and family, the people who are closest to you, who sometimes convey a complete inability to understand what the ill person is going through. Indeed, sometimes there is even very open hostility, and in my previous blog, I pointed out that, in one survey, over half (56%) of people who had experienced mental ill health had faced unfair treatment from their families, ranging from lack of understanding to outright hostility, name calling and enforced isolation.
In my own experience, I seemed to face most prejudice at the inception of my illness, what must now be nearly twenty years ago, and I feel it came in the form, mostly, of sheer misunderstanding. In terms of family, my brother and parents, I feel they just simply wondered what on earth was going on with me, and I'm pretty sure at some point there was speculation from my parents as to what, exactly, was going wrong. "Could it be hormones? A sort of delayed puberty?" my Mother thought. "Could it be drugs?" my Dad thought. As they later explained, they may have lived through poverty, war and difficult times, but the demon mental illness had never reared its head in either of their families. So, without a reason for my increasingly depressive and withdrawn self, they, perhaps, launched out into various areas of speculation which couldn't have been more wrong. And I, myself, through the prism of my illness, began to view myself as a somewhat unlovable and loveless person, incapable of giving or receiving love. So if there was a certain "shunning" going on, I now acknowledge that it was coming from both directions, from both my family and myself. Indeed, I can now see and acknowledge my own culpability in the situation which ensued.
For the famous psychiatrist R.D. Laing, an important member of the anti-psychiatry movement of the '60's and '70's (although he disagreed with that "label"), family life could be even more pernicious and hostile than the mere workings of stigma account for. For him, the experience of family was central to the development of mental illness in individuals. Through studying real families, he argued that lies were perpetuated in the interest of family politics, making it difficult for the vulnerable child to know what "truth" actually was, let alone the truth of their own situation. Furthermore, the family nexus (the consensus view within the family) often placed children in a "double bind", where they were unable to obey conflicting injunctions from family members. Importantly, Laing did not "blame" the family members for this behaviour. However, it did lead him to conclude, in his book "The Politics of Experience", that " we are effectively destroying ourselves with violence masquerading as love." Ultimately, then, such distress is eventually articulated by a descent into madness and psychosis, where there is "ontological uncertainty", i.e. one is unsure of the veracity of one's self and identity and one becomes, quite literally, "self" destructive. Importantly, though, Laing maintained that this descent into madness could be viewed as a sort of "shamanic" journey, where the person emerges at the end, having had certain insights, as a more grounded and wise individual. So, in an important departure from previous thinking, Laing maintained that the experiences of psychosis could be imbued with significance and intelligibility.
I must say that I can relate to a lot of what Laing says. Indeed, it is said that even those from so-called "normal" families can attest to his insights.
In my experience, I can remember being an intelligent and sensitive child who, while very close to my mother and brother, was somewhat alienated from my father, and throughout my illness I expressed a great deal of hostility towards him. Also, I can remember very clearly that the "truth", for me, came from art, from books and films and music, not from the wisdom of my family. I can also relate greatly to Laing's suggestion that madness or psychosis is a kind of journey, where one eventually returns to one's normal state. I certainly feel that I expressed all my anger, suffering, grief and loss at various traumas through my illness and I have now, indeed, emerged as a stronger, wiser, more stable person. At times, I even doubt my need for medication, as the experience, which I have undoubtedly learned from, seems now so far behind me. And, whatever resentment I may have had towards my family certainly now seems to have dissipated. I now understand and appreciate my father more than I ever did. And, yes, of course, I love the guy. I also realise that throughout my illness I asked a great deal of my family. It was perhaps a terrible thing to do, but through feeling unlovable, I was, in a way, asking my parents to "prove" that they loved me. And by standing by me, this they indeed did and have forever banished my feelings that I was or am "unlovable". Their support has been invaluable.
So, is it these peculiar familial experiences, these small but profound "domestic disturbances", that eventually lead us into madness or psychosis? I do know that "blaming" the family for mental ill health has become very unpopular in more recent times, but I still think that Laing has something to say, and I believe some, who espouse the view that psychosis is often a "post traumatic" experience, are perhaps returning to some of his ideas.
As for the stigma which I may have experienced from family, I feel that also is decidedly a thing of the past. Although the odd issue may raise its head, about my diagnosis, for example, or about my Mum's seeming "over protection" of me, I feel now I can handle these situations, without retreating into blind anger or just becoming totally withdrawn. Indeed, my family and I may have learnt, finally, how to communicate.
That's all for now from your normal, average delusional and paranoid man.