Dave's Progress. Chapter 48: Real Surreal.

So I was going to take a break from all this serious mental health stuff and write, as an homage to my great blogging and now also 3D friend Klahanie (aka Gary), a "real surreal" blog. I have been promising him I would do this for some time, so here goes.
So, what will my subject be? Well, I was going to write about apathy, but then felt that I just couldn't be bothered! And, I was supposed to write this blog yesterday, but the procrastination board had it postponed until today. OK, so these are both jokes we know well from Klahanie himself (and for those of you who don't know, he's the lil' dude in the dress in the sepia coloured photo in my list of "followers"). So what will I write about? Well, I could write about cheese, but Id have to do it very Caerphilly! I could write about chips, but that would be just another chip off the old blog. And there I go again. More Klahanie jokes. It just seems that the man's influence is so gargantuan (like his age) that I just can't get away from it.
But wait a minute, who's this? Well, if it isn't the little fairy princess, the gnome and the "wee" people from out my garden. You will know, if you read Klahanie's blog, that he too has a fairy princess, a gnome and "wee" people living in his garden. However, whereas his are decidedly "Walt Disney-esque" and believe in love and hope and aspiration, mine are decidedly anti-social in their outlook. Indeed, I often have to go out in the morning to pick up all their rubbish from the night before- you know the sort of thing- numerous cans of Stella Artois, crisp packets and the left-overs of all the Donner kebabs they've eaten. What's that? Oh, the fairy princess says she sorry if she kept me awake last night with all the arguing, only the gnome didn't get in until 4am, had been drinking, and she later found out that he'd been to a strip club. So, all is not well in my little garden. And even the "wee" people are a little nervous. They had been hoping to move to a new "council garden", but as the fairy princess has failed to get pregnant, they don't think their dream of living in a new residence will be realised.
OK, from all this you may think that I live alone and have a somewhat vivid imagination. Well, that's where you would be wrong. The fairy princess, the gnome and the"wee" people are very real. I also have a number of "friends" who live inside the house, such as my mate "the cheeky monkey". The only thing is, he is rather small and made of knitted wool, but I have to say, is quite a character. Maybe we could interview him.
"Hey, monkey, how's it going?"
"Very well, Dave, very well. Went out last night and got really drunk."
"Really monkey?"
"Yeh. Even met that gnome feller in a strip club at 4am"
"Why monkey, you have been busy."
"Yeh, well, you know what they say- you only live once. Better make the most of it"
"Exactly monkey. And what about the fairy princess?"
"Oh, she's not too pleased. Apparently, she found out about the gnome feller and doesn't like it one bit."
"Really monkey?"
"Really. There's been talk of a split. Divorce, you know."
"Oh, that's such a shame, monkey."
"Yeh, still, me and the gnome can go out and get as drunk as we like now."
So, you can see how my garden differs from Klahanie's. Maybe monkey, the fairy princess, the gnome and the "wee" people will change and come to see the error of their ways. And to end on a moral note, perhaps everyone has the capacity for change, so don't judge monkey and his friends too harshly. One day they may become shining examples of humanity, like Klahanie's garden friends.
As for me, I think I really should stop eating those mushrooms from Klahanie's garden, even though he assures me he has no mushrooms in his garden. Yikes!
That's all for now from your normal, averge, klahanie-inspired, but not half as funny, paranoid and delusional man.

Comments

klahanie said…
Dear David,
Well I thought I should come over and visit your "Real Surreal" blog.
So here I am. "Hello David. I hope that I don't end up getting trapped in your comment box. That would not be ideal, for I must endeavour to get back to my site and attempt to formulate some semblance of a posting.
It is sad to note that the 'wee folks' in your neighbourhood are not as well behaved as the ones that reside in my garden. Perhaps my wee folks could come over to your place and discuss with your wee folks that anti-social behaviour is hardly conducive to creating a happy, magical garden. Then again, my wee folks would probably get beer cans and half-eaten kebabs shoved into their posteriors.
Now I know why I cannot find any mushrooms in my garden. Not like I was looking for the type you might be meaning, you understand.
As you know, some of my so-called jokey blogs have meanings such as not be judgemental and labelling others. Something we are both passionate about.
Well done with your attempt at surreality, David. 'Penny', our dog that I interviewed, has just read your posting and is most impressed. But, yikes, I am now starting to have conversations with a brush. How daft is that?
Thanks for the mention. That was most kind. With surreal regards, Gary:-)" ("Righty ho, press 'publish your comment' and hope the heck you can get back outta' here.....")
David said…
Dear Gary,
Glad that you liked my attempt at a "real surreal" blog. Now I have introduced my anti-social wee folks, I may write of them again. I did try to introdude my own moral at the end, suggesting that all of us can change, so perhaps we shouldn't judge my wee folks too harshly.
Anyway, it was an attempt, but hardly as funny or good as one of your jokey blogs.
And thank Penny for her most kind remarks and remarkable reading skills!
Now, "Conversations with a Brush" really would be a surreal blog.
But, now I have the problem of getting out of this damned comment box. Which button to press? OH NO! Stuck in blogland once again!
Yours with All the Best,
David.
P.S. I hope I didn't go a bit too far with my last comment on your blog. I know you take my tongue in cheek remarks in good humour, but I would never want to overstep the mark and hope I cause no offense.
David said…
Dear dc,
Wow! right back atcha!
All the Best,
David.

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