A Day in the Life

So it's the Christmas season again, and at the risk of beginning to repeat myself ad infinitum I will state once again my message from last year (and the year before that, and before that...) So here it is, Merry Christmas, everybody's havin' fun, or are they? I guess those of you who read this blog will know my stance on Christmas. I suppose I feel that the real message of Christmas has been lost in a haze of mass consumerism and mindless materialism, and as we all drudge through the shopping malls like drones buying up gifts for others and fully expecting one back in return, it is, I suppose, obvious that some of us will just feel a little alienated from the whole affair. For those who suffer from mental illness such feelings can be acute. More likely to be isolated from society and to be, in some instances, estranged from family and friends, the very thought of Christmas, with its emphasis on family and hearth and home, can be enough to send some into a relapse. For ...

It's been quite a while since my last blog, so I'm sure you're all waiting in eager anticipation for whatever crumbs of wisdom and insight you may pick up from my abundant intellectual table. OK, so maybe I exaggerate. Maybe I even "big myself up" to ludicrous and grandiose proportions, as during my illness I was wont to do. But the theme of time running by has lately been of interest to me as I have just passed my 39th birthday. So, given my propensity for being both mentally and physically unwell, I feel it is good to bear in mind that, to use that over-used phrase, "time waits for no man". In consideration of that, here is yet another blog for your delectation. As this is a blog primarily about mental health, then, it is fitting that my subject be, erm, mental health. And, as you may have gleaned from the somewhat sober title, it is about the link between social and economic deprivation and mental ill health. Being from Stoke-on-Trent, we at the Pat...

I have just finished reading "Brave New World", Aldous Huxley's account of a future society where human beings are no longer born, but genetically "produced" and socially conditioned so that they fit, unquestioningly, into the roles given them. So, there are those who are "manufactured" to be less intelligent and so perform only menial tasks, where others, the so-called "Alphas", are engineered to be more intelligent and therefore take on more demanding roles. What is important, however, is that they are all conditioned to be "happy" in their allotted roles, and none envy either their superiors or inferiors. Indeed, the status quo is maintained by keeping the populace distracted with almost enforced sexual promiscuity and the promulgation of a drug, "soma", which seems to induce an unthinking state of pleasure. However, into this scenario comes Bernard Marx, an "alpha" who begins to question the nature of his so...

So, there I was, sitting in one of the cardiology wards at the North Staffs General Hospital, stripped down to my underpants and wearing one of those NHS gowns which give the whole world a wonderful view of one's, erm, rear end. As I sat there, I began to wonder just why I had ended up where I was, waiting, along with other heart patients (who, by the way, were all invariably older than me) to have a pacemaker fitted into my heart. OK, so I have to acknowledge that I have had a problem with my heart since birth; what is known as a heart block, which has resulted in me having an unusually low heart-rate and an occasional defect in the way my heart beats. Despite this, though, I had had none of the usual problems that appear to go along with such heart defects, such as blacking out or breathlessness. I had also started exercising and was losing weight (around four stones in all) and was feeling generally healthier than I had done in a long time. So, why, I wondered,...

I don't know whether it's me, but I have come to notice something of a trait in the blogs I sometimes read. Many of them are from that beautiful country that is America, or as F. Scott Fitzgerald once put it, the place where "man must have held his breath" when first surveying its vastness and beauty. I find America a fascinating place- after all, it is home to most of the movies that I watch, the books I read, the television I routinely ingest. I would love to visit the place, and find its populace, from my own limited experience, to be a charming, friendly bunch. So, when it is that something goes awry with America, I feel it. Just, it seems, as the rest of the world feels it, or, as the old axiom goes, "when America catches a cold, we get the flu". So you will forgive me for pointing out something that I feel is unhealthy in the American psyche of today, an unhealthiness that is indeed reflected in blog land, and that is, what I feel to be, a pernicious o...

So, I got a little tired of the look of my blog. It was, after all, very basic and when I looked on other blogs I couldn't help but envy their little gadgets and pictures and twisty- turny moving things. OK , so I'm a bit of a Luddite when it comes to computers, but I think you might agree that this is something of an improvement on the look of my last blog. I have added a few gadgets together with a new template which has a suitably psychotropic-looking background. I suppose I like the warm colours of this particular template, and being an expert (sort of, in fact, not at all) on the psychology of colour, I know that yellow is an "emotional" colour, inspiring feelings of warm fuzziness, as opposed to say, green or blue, which are supposed to invoke calm, but in my view seem a little cold. Speaking of computers, though, I must add that on Monday evening the Pathways Group had a night out to a pub in Stoke where there was something called a "social media surgery...

This is an easy post for me to write as all it is really is a self-congratulatory pat on the back for this being my 100 th posting on the blogging network. But wait, I here you say, "Dave's Progress" has only reached chapter 92. Aha, I say, I wrote 8 posts previous to the development of the idea of calling my posts "Dave's Progress", hence the magic figure of 100. So, how did this all begin? Well, I started blogging due to my involvement with the Media Action Group for Mental Health, who, in around 2007, began a project called " Mindbloggling ". The aim was to get volunteers to blog about their experience of mental ill health, hoping that this would produce a firm anti-stigma message. Unfortunately the project came to an end and many discontinued writing their blogs. Now, I think, although you can still access the list of blogs that were written for the project via the MAGMH web-site, there are only two bloggers remaining- one being yours truly,...

I have noticed a recent trend in the movies, particularly those from the States, in which the eternaly losing, downtrodden, alienated, lonely male, also known as the "geek", has begun to be seen not just in the odd cameo appearance, but as the major character. Indeed, actors like Jesse Eisenberg and Michael Cera seem to have cornered the market in playing geeks who appear, at last, to come out on top. These actors, themselves a little geeky-looking, have taken lead roles in many movies which actively seem to celebrate geekdom. There are many examples of films which have recently shown this trend, most of them starring either Cera or Eisenberg. "Superbad", "Youth in Revolt", "Fanboys", "Zombieland", "Adventureland", "Kick-Ass" and "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World" all seem to have geeks as their main protagonists and, unlike before in the movies where the geek was often seen being ritually humiliated, he has no...

I'm sorry to bang on about this, as it is a point I have probably mentioned in previous posts. It is just that this particular misunderstanding about mental ill health is so prevalent that I think it probably deserves one last, hopefully exhaustive explanation. I am, of course, referring to the seemingly ubiquitous mistake made, particularly in the media and (mostly American) films, where the terms "psychotic" and "psychopathic" become confused. To make it clear, and as far as I know, "psychosis" or being "psychotic" simply refers to a set of symptoms, such as delusions, hallucinations, illusions, becoming withdrawn and flattening of affect. In psychosis, there is no inherent link to violent or criminal behaviour, but more of a break from "reality". Psychosis can occur in illnesses as wide-ranging as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and depression. "Psychopathic", however, refers to a particular type of personality disorder...

The above title is taken from Luis Bunuel's 1977 film of the same name, in which a wealthy, middle-class Frenchman, Mathieu , is continually frustrated in his romantic and sexual advances towards a beautiful, poor Spanish dancer from Seville named Conchita. In their relationship, Conchita avoids sexual contact with Mathieu , bringing him to the point of such frustration that he eventually beats her. Things wouldn't be so bad had he not first witnessed her dancing naked in a bar and then having sex with another man. She tries to explain these things away as innocently as she can, but Mathieu remains a teased and frustrated figure. The film, then, comes across as a surreal comedy (two different actresses play the role of Conchita , seeming to underline Mathieu's confusion), but as always with Bunuel there is an element of political subversion to the film, with the romance, if it can be called that, taking place against a backdrop of left-wing terrorist insurgence, and at th...

In response to the recent Tory conference, I would just like to say that it appears to me that history is being somewhat rewritten. Like other Tory governments (oh, I forgot, this is a coalition , but who can blame me as the Liberals seem to have retracted every bloody meaningful policy they had in pursuit of power) propaganda does not seem beneath them, and it seems to me that we are being fed an historical narrative by Cameron and his ilk that is simply untrue, particularly in terms of our recent economic hardships. The line being fed to us by Cameron and his sickly side-kick George Osbourne (indeed, every time my Mum sees Osbourne on the telly it has an almost physical, emetic effect on her) is that "the state we're in" has been caused by an over-spending and capricious Labour Party, who did little to curb the extravagances of the bankers who seem to have been at the root of all this mess. The Conservative Party, in some quarters, have even gone to the lengths of brin...

So, it seems that the economic "age of austerity" has well and truly begun to bite here in Stoke-on-Trent. And wouldn't you just know it, mental health is one of the first victims of the massive cuts needed in services to reduce our burgeoning budget deficit. According to an article in our local newspaper, beds at North Staffordshire's four resource centres are "under threat" as mental health bosses look to save money by cutting 53% of places used by those with mental health needs. Among the four centres, which each currently have 8 beds, is the Bennett Centre which I attend on a regular basis for our Pathways to Recovery group. The number of beds will be cut by 32 to 15, with all 8 beds at the Bennett Centre going in order for it to become the main base for community mental health service staff in the city. To my mind, this is a real shame, as the beds in question offered a place for respite and recovery both from home life and the more, it has to be sai...

As you who read this blog may know, I have been on the lookout for some form of part-time work. Having worked voluntarily for over 3 years now and having experienced probably 5 years of good mental health, I feel it is time for me to branch out and move on. This is not to say that I would entirely give up my voluntary work, but that I may want to do something else in conjunction with it. I have also said in many blogs that I have often found a lack in mental health services for people in my position. There seems, at the moment, although I know efforts are being made, a lack of provision for those like myself who have been unemployed for a long time through their ill health to help them back in to work. So, as help does not seem to be immediately forthcoming from that quarter, I decided to look to some local mental health charities to see what they might be able to provide. Having acquired some literature from two such places ( I will avoid mentioning any names here), the outlook seem...

I can, today, say that unequivocally, without any shadow of a doubt, I am feeling pretty good. After changing my diet and beginning to exercise I have lost something in the region of 2 stones, 9 lbs. That feeling of sluggishness has gone and I can now at least walk some distance without getting out of breath. It is refreshing just to be able to walk up stairs without undue exertion. My clothes are beginning to get baggier and I can, finally, face the world without being too embarrassed about my weight. Indeed, many people, mostly staff members at my local residential unit, have remarked on how "well" I look. Even my blogging and now 3D friend, Gary aka klahanie , remarked that really, I was "quite a good looking guy", who had something of a Robin Hood look about him. I was not wearing green tights and brandishing a bow and arrow when Gary made this remark, but I found it flattering all the same. And, as someone once said, "flattery will get you everywhere"...

It's difficult sometimes when speaking of mental ill health not to get bogged down in negativity. The prejudice, the stigma, the discrimination; not to mention the debilitating and harrowing nature of mental illness itself. So, it is my joy to announce, that according to some recent statistics, the experience of stigma and discrimination amongst those who have experienced mental ill health may be on the wane. This new research has come from the organisers of the "Time to Change" campaign, of which I have spoken in this blog before. Time to Change is a national campaign, funded by both Comic Relief and the Big Lottery Fund to the tune of some £20 million. The campaign is a national one and is truly wide-ranging, or, to use the modern jargon, "multi-platform". It has 35 projects in all, including local community projects, a high-profile national campaign, a mass-participation physical activity week, legal test cases, training for student doctors and teachers, an...

It has been a long-held bugbear of mine that there seems little provision within mental health services for those who feel themselves well enough to return to some form of work. Particularly for those with diagnoses like mine, which indicate a "severe and enduring" condition, there seems to be a culture of low expectation, which I feel I have experienced, which serves, perhaps, to mire people within the system. Instead of moving on with our lives, then, many seem to languish on incapacity or disability benefits, creating problems of social isolation, low self-esteem, and a general lack of structure and meaning to life. Of course, only those well enough and capable enough should even be expected to find work, but with many people I have seen, who have degrees, masters degrees and even PhDs , the overwhelming impression one gets is of an enormous waste of talent and experience. So, now I find myself in the position of wanting to "move on". Despite the work I already d...

As you may know, one of my enduring interests is film. I wrote about this in a blog entitled "Confessions of a Cinephile , or, Whatever Happened to Hollywood". Now, I don't quite know why, other than because of my "enduring and severe" ill health, but I haven't actually been to the cinema to see a film for a long time. Most of the films I see I either watch on TV or rent from my local DVD store in Smallthorne . It was good, then, to actually go and see a film at my local Odeon in Festival Park along with other members of the Pathways Group. The film we chose was Christopher Nolan's "Inception", starring Leonardo DiCaprio, and it was a rather long and convoluted tale of a group of, what might be termed, industrial spies, who enter the dreams of their targets and, on behalf of wealthy and powerful clients, either steal or plant ideas. The notion of "inception" is concerned with actually "planting" an idea in a target's h...

A short while ago I wrote a blog entitled, "Fear and Loathing in Stoke-on-Trent". It was in response to a recent seeming rise in support in Stoke-on-Trent for political groups and parties like the EDL (English Defence League), who led a, it must be said, fiercely opposed, demonstration in our city centre, and the BNP (British National Party), whose leader, Nick Griffin, also visited Stoke with his suitably yob-looking entourage. I pointed to a various number of circumstances, such as the decline in our local industry and years of social and economic deprivation , as the apparent causes of this rise in support, leading to, I think, seven BNP representatives being elected to our local council. I am glad now to report, however, that despite the attempts of such groups to take a strong-hold in Stoke, with Nick Griffin even turning up in our local council chambers to launch the BNP's manifesto, at the last election the people of Stoke-on-Trent did me proud by not supportin...

You may recall that in August last year I sadly reported that a member of our group for those with severe or sometimes long-term mental ill health (the "Pathways to Recovery" group) had passed away. His name was Matthew Aitken and was known to his many friends simply as "Matt". In my blog about his passing (Dave's Progress. Chapter 34: In Memoriam) I tried to say that Matt was a much-valued member of our little enclave; that he was a warm, witty and bright individual, not without his talents, who was so much more than the label which had been applied to him, that of "schizophrenia". Now, as Matt's death has been the subject of an inquest, our local paper, "The Sentinel", has seen fit to report the circumstances of his untimely death. And so, in the brazen, insensitive way of the media, the first paragraph of the report reads, "A SCHIZOPHRENIC died from a combination of health problems aggravated by his heavy drinking". Not a ma...

I am writing this post in response to a comment left on my last blog by " corfubob ". He stated, "people do not readily believe anything can go wrong with the mind, even in some cases when it happens to them. 'It's all in the mind', others say, meaning 'not real'... Help us all understand what happens". For some reason this comment resonated with me. I hope that this blog has gone some way to explicating what happens when things somehow "go wrong" with the mind, but I would still like to give some explanation of what I know about such illnesses. Perhaps it will be better if I stick to my own condition, namely schizophrenia, as I am certainly not an expert on all mental health conditions and have done most research in to my own illness. As far as I know, most mental health conditions are either "reactive", meaning that they occur due to the impact of some trauma or event, or "endogenous", meaning that they simply come...