Dave's Progress. Capter 5: I'm Bored. I'm the Chairman of the Board.

Thanks once again for your comments on my previous blog. Please keep them coming!
Anyway, this time I thought I'd tell you about the staggering amount of free time I have and the resultant feelings of absolute boredom I get. And belive me, this is no ordinary boredom. It is like watching the hands of a clock ticking all day with no relief. As the seconds pass by, striking like thunder bolts, I sit, inert. In fact, it's not really like boredom in the sense that it is far more far reaching and overwhelming. Indeed, probably the french word ennui better describes it. According to the OED ennui is "mental weariness from idleness or lack of interest", and this, it would seem, is what I am suffering from. Who knows, it may be related to those so-called negative symptoms that I have been going on about.
Suffice to say, I feel as if I am caught in some kind of negative spiral, my idleness feeding my boredom, my boredom feeding my idleness. So how do I break free of this and turn my negative spiral into a virtuous circle?
First of all, I could get up off my....and do something. OK. So I read. I read alot. I read about every fiction paperback I can get my hands on. From "Tom Jones" to "Middlemarch" to "Vanity Fair" to "Lolita" and even a good load of crap detective novels. OK, so do I feel any better? Yes, I do as a matter of fact. My brain has been engaged and it seems to be wanting more. So I read more. And more. Until, eventually, I seem to be getting a little bit bored. Once you've read one, you know, that sort of feeling.
So, how about exercise? OK. I get on my tredmill. Half an hour later I'm exhausted and have a feeling of slight euphoria. No wonder people get addicted to this sort of thing. This could be the answer. And then I realise that I'm just too idle to do this everyday. Besides, my feet are aching.
OK then. How about going out for a drink. Just one. It won't hurt. So I go outside. Already I feel trepidatious. I get to the pub and order a pint of lager. Oh come to me my old, glorious, golden friend and stave away my worries just for half an hour. So I drink my lager and begin remembering the bad old days when alcohol had been a problem for me. I leave the pub sweating. I'm not going back to that, I think.
So, I retreat back to the house and suddenly realise that I'm alone. Is this what is really bothering me? If only I had a friend to go out with it might not be so... boring.
OK. So concentrate on the positives. My little bit of voluntary work for MAGMH and the people I know there. I've also been invited to be part of the Creating Capable Teams process by the Bennett Centre. And, I've apllied to the Richmond Fellowship to arrange to do more voluntary or part-time work. So, one day, I may not just be bored, but be the chairman of the board.
Later on my Mum comes round to see how I am. I tell her that, really, I've had a very busy day.
That's all for now from your normal, average delusional and paranoid man.

Comments

Hi there david and might I say, thank you very much for another glimpse into your life. Reading your latest blog made me think about my own life… to see how your day pans out made me re assess what I do with my days and what a large portion of the day is just ‘killing time’. Don’t feel disheartened about the style of your life you seem to have all the right components and getting them all to gel is a challenge for anybody!! If anything, I envy the amount of reading you do, id love to but I am too lazy. Oh well, chin up and keep going with your plight to fill your days.

Mandy
Hi Mr Chairman

Sorry it's taken so long to comment. You do have a friend to go out for a drink with. I'll let you know next time I'm off to th'pub...I have a golden friend called Stella too and she occasionally helps me stave off the general ennui. Hmm, what's worse, being bored in your own time or being bored at work? It's a close call, I can tell you. And I'm with Amanda - it comes to something when can't be bothered to pick up a book and turn the pages. Now that's lazy!

all the best,
klahanie said…
Hello David,
I can most certainly relate to laziness and boredom. As a matter of fact, I'm so bloody lazy that I barely have the strength to even leave this comment.
I suppose David, it's all about motivation and trying to maintain some semblance of activity. Yes it certainly helps if we have a friend to share our time with.
I do lots of stuff on my own and I wish I had the chance to let others experience my life. It was tough going to Vancouver by myself.
However, David, I see that you realise the positivity of your involvement in MAGMH etc.
I wish I had the energy to read more. Although I did recently read two books in a week!
So there you go David, idle a I am, somehow I managed to comment on your blog. Take good care and keep pursuing a positive path. Warm wishes Klahanie aka Gary :-)
Domenica said…
Hi David,

In the not too distant past I too have experienced 'boredom', which for me is like 'the kiss of death' It felt like complete 'inertia' I don't equate it with idleness, I think there is a huge difference between the two.
Like yourself, my senses need to be constantly stimulated, and sometimes it requires a great deal of 'out of the box' thinking and doing, in order to keep boredom at bay.
As you know I also read a great deal,(something like 700 books in the last 6 years or so) although as much as I enjoy reading, one can also tire of that, I think maybe the key is to 'ring the changes' and try to establish what would give us the MOST pleasure and satisfaction.

The volunary work and the organisations that you are about to become involved with, should definately help and give you a purpose and some direction,(which we all need)
You have so much to offer David,(don't hide your light under a bushel...let it shine out!)

I look forward to your delightful company and seeing you again soon, in the meantime I send you my kindest and warmest wishes....Domenica x
Jackal said…
'If only I had a friend to go out with it might not be so... boring.'

I can so relate.
emma said…
Hi Dave,

Just wanted to say, if you're ever passing Changes offices at Pall Mall, we could always use the help of someone as capable and as good company as you are.

Hope you're well.

Emma.

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